The young marriage of Ashia in islam , the Pocahontas paradox ( yes she was 10 years old )

In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful.

One of the things that some non-muslims bring up about islam was the young marriage  Ashia to the Prophet may Allah be pleased with him was . She was betrothed to be marred when she was 6 and the marriage occurred when she had matured to 9 as was the custom of her time and the society that they lived in . 

A couple things about this 

1. This was done because it was the prevailing cultural norm , it was not something that the prophet may allah be pleased with him came up with on his own . In fact when he came to the pagan arabs , jews and people around who disbelieved in the message of islam they started to say all kinds of things. His he had an impeccable personal character however and this was never taken to account . What was said about him is recorded in the books of history collected at his time called hadith and even in the quran itself . He was called a poet , a mad man , someone who just spoke tales of people gone past . However his marriage to Ashia was never called to account nether by any pagan arab , jew or Christian in their time , simply because was the cultural norm back then.
2. It was the cultural norm in our society not to long ago, before access to secondary schools, when you basically grew up and went on to cut cane and have children, in our country this happened your family would go to a family geography far off ask for their daughter hand in marriage and there you go an arranged marriage.
3. The mere fact that we have words like arranged marriage or betrothed shows how normal this was once in our own society.
4. Ok lets get into the whitewashing, a revisionist history if you will . Many , many well known and accepted women who were married or otherwise romantic involved in western societies were very young , a quick google search can name a few , Juliet from Romeo and Juliet the Shakespeare play was only 13 years old but in Modern movies they make her older to hide that fact . the case in Europe: five centuries after Muhammad’s marriage to Aisha, 33-year-old King John of England married 12-year-old Isabella of Angoulême. In the case of one of the latest Disney princesses Pocahontas she was 10 years old , yet in the movie she is made up to be much older to blend into the modern times . Why ?
5. Why would the Prophet may the peace and blessings of Allah be on him marry ashia , a few reasons . One to cement the family relationship with another person in is islam name abu bak , he was to go on to become the his successor and first khalif . To be an example of how to deal with a young wife , eg taking her on dates and stuff . And yes that really happened in a very public way teaching he muslims that islam it is important to take your wife on dates particularly when she if she was young . Its not just about the charity or prayer. 
6. The prophet may Allah be pleased with him had more than 1 wife , again as was the custom of his time . Ashia was the only virgin , all the rest were either divorced or widowed acting as an example of how to marry an older woman even a woman with many children for muslims to follow . A fact that I find no talks about . 
7. About Ashia the muslims owe her an debt that can not be paid for who she was and her impact and contribution to islam . She was brilliant. She learnt alot of islam directly from the prophet may Allah be pleased with him , himself . Some of the quran was actually revealed about her in particular. She became a prolific narrator and teacher of hadith , the senior muslim scholars in her time when they had disputes went to her to resolve them . She was particular good at explaining what the prophet may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him in his house , because none of the companions would see him there but she would see him, learn about how he used to pray at night how he slept , how he was at home mending his own clothes. Living with his family in a normal way except when the time for the pray came getting up and going for the pray . Things only she living with him could could see. 
8. At one point in time the a faction of the muslims actually rallied around her and she let armies such was her place in honor and respect that they had for her . This was Ashia feel free to ask me anything else that you want .

      Adheim

The Problem with Arranged Marriage fantasy vs. reality

taken from

http://themuslimgirl.com/the-problem-with-arranged-marriage/

problem with arranged marriage

Yes, you read the title of this post right. Yes there is a problem with arranged marriage, a BIG

problem. And the problem starts with you.

Many of us out there that don’t date before marriage are content to wait for Allah to find us our life partner. We choose not to date or engage in intimate relations before marriage, because we believe that the only relationship between a man and a woman can be that of husband and wife. And so we’re content to wait.

But while we’re waiting for our parents, family, or friends to find us this ideal mate, we begin daydreaming. While we wait, we begin to concoct a fantasy in which we are the princess and our husband is the prince. While we wait, we begin to build up our future husband to epic proportions. He will look like a mix between David Beckham and Shah Rukh Khan. He will be into sports but also going to the theatre with us. He will be a millionaire and will spoil us. He will be everything we’ve ever dreamed of and more.

I speak from experience when I say it’s so easy to do this. We don’t mean to, but as we wait for our soul male, we begin to have unrealistic expectations of our future spouse so much so that when we meet potential suitors, we are not satisfied. Obviously they don’t look like a mix between your favourite celebrity crushes and nor are they a millionaire. They might have some of the qualities you dreamed of, and they might have some qualities that you didn’t dream of.

Many of us get so caught up in this ‘dream guy’ that we let many potential suitors walk by us, because we are so fixated on finding that guy that we have been dreaming about and thinking about for years. But I have news for you: he doesn’t exist.

The qualities or attributes that you’re looking for, some of them are superfluous. Money will come and go, and so can looks. But the strength of someone’s character and their faith in God are things that last a lifetime. So prioritize. What are the characteristics or attributes that are most important to you? Is praying 5 times a day important to you? Is someone who is family-oriented important to you? Is someone who is forgiving important to you?

Focus on the things that matter most to you and forget about the things that don’t matter. Allah has made a match specifically for you, and he might do all the things that annoy you, but he is the one that Allah has destined for you. And you will end up together no matter what. So have patience.

And while you are waiting for your ‘dream guy’, take a look at yourself. Are you someone’s idea of a dream girl? Meaning, do you possess all the qualities and attributes that you are searching for in a life partner? If not, work on yourself. Not for the sake of someone else, but for yourself. Be the best person you can be.

Marriage is no fairytale. It is a relationship that requires work, love, and patience. It is half our deen, but not all of it. So don’t focus all your energies on it and on your idea of what your ideal husband will be.

So pray, make dua, and have patience. May Allah reward give us the best in this world and the next, inshAllah.

Hope you girls found this useful. Keep smiling!

With love.

Marriage is not Lust, Women are not Just Pleasure and Enjoyment

uesday, 09 February 2010

Image By the Noble Shaykh 'Abdul-'Azeez ibn 'Abdullaah Aalush-Shaykh
A brief article with advice to the men reminding them that marriage is not lust, but rather responsibility.
"This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other people’s daughters he does whatever he wants. "

The noble Shaykh, the Muftee of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Shaykh 'Abdul-'Azeez ibn 'Abdullaah Aali Shaykh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

The noble Shaykh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her, not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he’s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is decieving the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other people’s daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islaam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Shaykh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Shaykh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finishing their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Muftee said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other people’s daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allaah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islaam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Shaykh said: …and some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them don’t care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage.

if U are a single muslim sister and want to are married or know someone who does

If u know a single asian muslim sister with pink hair or one who can cook chinese food apply here i have a opening ;)

Spouses Treating Each Other Kindly

http://theclearsunnah.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/spouses-treating-each-other-kindly/

6 11 2008

It was narrated from ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If a woman does her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter whichever of the gates of Paradise you want.”

Narrated by Ahmad (1/191). The editors of al-Musnad said: It is hasan li ghayrihi (hasan because of corroborating evidence). It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1932).

It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Shall I not tell you about your men in Paradise?” We said: Yes, O Messenger of Allaah. He said: “The Prophet will be in Paradise, the Siddeeq will be in Paradise, the man who visits his brother who lives far away and visits him only for the sake of Allaah will be in Paradise. Shall I not tell you about your women in Paradise?” We said: Yes, O Messenger of Allaah. He said: “The loving and fertile one who, if she gets angry or is mistreated or her husband gets angry says, ‘Here is my hand in your hand, I shall not sleep until you are pleased.’”

Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Mu’jam al-Awsat (2/206). It was also narrated from a number of other Sahaabah, hence it was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (3380) and in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1942).

And it was narrated from Husayn ibn Muhsin (may Allaah be pleased with him) that his paternal aunt went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning some need and he met her need, then he said: “Do you have a husband?” She said: Yes. He said: “How are you with him?” She said: I do what he tells me, except what is beyond me. He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”

Narrated by Ahmad (4/341). The editors of al-Musnad said: Its isnaad may be understood to be hasan. al-Mundhiri said: A jayyid (good) isnaad. It was classed as saheeh by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (6/383) and al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1933).

Al-Manaawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer (3/60):

i.e., he is the cause of your entering Paradise if he is pleased with you, and the cause of your entering Hell if he is displeased with you. So treat him well and do not disobey his commands with regard to that which is not a sin. End quote.

As for the glad tidings which came to the husband who treats his wife kindly, it is when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) testified that he had perfect faith which dictated that he should enter Paradise, and that he is superior to all people.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The most perfect of the believers in faith is the one who is best in attitude, and the best of you is the one who is best in attitude towards his womenfolk.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1162); he said it is a hasan saheeh hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.