The Problem with Arranged Marriage fantasy vs. reality

taken from

http://themuslimgirl.com/the-problem-with-arranged-marriage/

problem with arranged marriage

Yes, you read the title of this post right. Yes there is a problem with arranged marriage, a BIG

problem. And the problem starts with you.

Many of us out there that don’t date before marriage are content to wait for Allah to find us our life partner. We choose not to date or engage in intimate relations before marriage, because we believe that the only relationship between a man and a woman can be that of husband and wife. And so we’re content to wait.

But while we’re waiting for our parents, family, or friends to find us this ideal mate, we begin daydreaming. While we wait, we begin to concoct a fantasy in which we are the princess and our husband is the prince. While we wait, we begin to build up our future husband to epic proportions. He will look like a mix between David Beckham and Shah Rukh Khan. He will be into sports but also going to the theatre with us. He will be a millionaire and will spoil us. He will be everything we’ve ever dreamed of and more.

I speak from experience when I say it’s so easy to do this. We don’t mean to, but as we wait for our soul male, we begin to have unrealistic expectations of our future spouse so much so that when we meet potential suitors, we are not satisfied. Obviously they don’t look like a mix between your favourite celebrity crushes and nor are they a millionaire. They might have some of the qualities you dreamed of, and they might have some qualities that you didn’t dream of.

Many of us get so caught up in this ‘dream guy’ that we let many potential suitors walk by us, because we are so fixated on finding that guy that we have been dreaming about and thinking about for years. But I have news for you: he doesn’t exist.

The qualities or attributes that you’re looking for, some of them are superfluous. Money will come and go, and so can looks. But the strength of someone’s character and their faith in God are things that last a lifetime. So prioritize. What are the characteristics or attributes that are most important to you? Is praying 5 times a day important to you? Is someone who is family-oriented important to you? Is someone who is forgiving important to you?

Focus on the things that matter most to you and forget about the things that don’t matter. Allah has made a match specifically for you, and he might do all the things that annoy you, but he is the one that Allah has destined for you. And you will end up together no matter what. So have patience.

And while you are waiting for your ‘dream guy’, take a look at yourself. Are you someone’s idea of a dream girl? Meaning, do you possess all the qualities and attributes that you are searching for in a life partner? If not, work on yourself. Not for the sake of someone else, but for yourself. Be the best person you can be.

Marriage is no fairytale. It is a relationship that requires work, love, and patience. It is half our deen, but not all of it. So don’t focus all your energies on it and on your idea of what your ideal husband will be.

So pray, make dua, and have patience. May Allah reward give us the best in this world and the next, inshAllah.

Hope you girls found this useful. Keep smiling!

With love.

Sometimes i am ashamed to be muslim in trinidad

It is a sad fact that i am sometimes ashamed to be muslim in trinidad . I am ashamed what i can only be described as criminal actions by " muslim " gangs north . It is a disgrace to see that picture of a woman wearing a hajib celebrating the verdict of the Vindra Naipaul case  . I am ashamed that the fear of terrorism is so bad that any randomly fool can leave a voice msg on facebook and malls will be shut down . Or today as i watched children silently pray in school some genuinely wondering if there would be something in their school . The feeling i get when some one ask me about treats to my county , our country and they ask me because they know i am a muslim so the assume i know some thing or understand something they dont , how the hell am i suppose to know something , i dont know , they watch the news i dont they know more than me .........it sickens me to my stomach because even though i want to pass it of as a joke like everybody else from the minister of education come down and i genuinely do believe its a hoax . But somewhere to the back of my mind i wonder what if its real ? What if its true ? And i am ashamed that it has come to this ............. And i fear that in the future its only going to get worst

Donkey understanding

people disguise themselves in a religious façade

Now be for you read this know why i am posting it , i have seen people in the muslim community who are highly regarded may be be cause of who their family are or how rich they or even their education level . Then i see their actions and they are far from islamic ( some are pretty bad but gets swept under the rug ) but no matter what they do ppl still look up to them . Then there are oher brothers who do not have family high up in the community may be they converted or something and they are ingorned . I it often irrates  me the view that the non-muslims i interact with have of me , coming up and asking questions and they really to watch what i do as some how using my actions as a standard of how islam's teachings are actually praticed by all muslims . They have a definate opnion of me and the " position " they assume i hold in the religon , but the truth is thats far from true , not only do i comit sins like eveyone else . If i was to walk in to the musjid people would ingore me in genaral , which is ok with me really . But they were times that i have advised people about matters in the religon , i mean serious matters that people simply ingore simply because it was me saying it . Case in point , i was talking to this young ahmadia boy who really did not understand much of the religon . So when i realized he was ahamedia i just had to explain the error that the ahamedia have because it is an impossible one to ingore . Now they are many muslims in the world sunnis , shai , sufis all manner or names and pratices we have had arguements over who have been right for hundreds of years . Wars have been fought ppl killed ect . But all of the muslims , all the muslims in the world with out exception are united in the belief that " there is no god but allah and muhammad saw is his final messenger saw " . Then there are the ahmedia who beleive in a messenger after muhammad , a belif that takes them outside the fold of islam completly . Some muslim countries have actually taken the time to pass laws concerning the matter that the belief of these people takes them ontside the fold of islam  . They are not even allowed to perform hajj because they are not muslim and can not enter mecca or medina . So in a very nice way i explained to him that in islam we believe that muhammad saw is the last messenger that allah sent , and why ect . The guy listened understood what i told him and then he goes home . The next dad he comes up to me and he is like Sir are you a shykh or something so i told him no and that was it , he understood what i told him , he understood why the ahamedia were wrong but because somebody else had some kind of tittle told him other wise  automatically they are are right and i am wrong just because i said it . 

  Adheim 

Some people disguise themselves in a religious façade to make others assume they are pious. However, never judge a book by the cover and be aware that some people pretend to be religious for their ulterior objectives, something that has distorted the image of Islam.

Dr. Nasser Al-Obaid, a Dawa worker, said it is dangerous for people to pretend to be what they are not and that it is equally dangerous to generalize people. “Unfortunately, most people either harshly judge those who pretend to be religious or staunchly support them. We should be moderate and avoid generalizations,” said Al-Obaid to Al-Riyadh newspaper.

“Some tend to generalize based on certain personal situations and claim that everyone who appears to be religious are hypocrites because from the outside they pretend to be good but from the inside they do not observe Islamic teachings,” he added.

Al-Obaid said he was not defending religious people or asking others to turn a blind eye to the negative practices they engage in. “At the end of the day, religious or not, people are human beings and are prone to make mistakes. It is wrong to judge people on certain acts in certain situations,” he said.

However, if a religious person continues to engage in negative practices then he deserves to be blamed and criticized, he said, adding: “Everyone should be careful when dealing with such people.”

Dr. Atallah Al-Abar, secretary-general of the Family Welfare Society, Qurayyat, warned against Islamic preachers who try to convince people they are religious but live lives that are contrary to the Shariah.

“Only renowned and well-known scholars should be followed because they are known to all people and the majority respects them. Some people disguise themselves as religious for ulterior goals. They do this to deceive people and con them out of money or for other illegal purposes. Some of us fall prey to them and believe that they are telling the truth,” he said.

The real religious person, said Al-Abar, is the one who embraces the other and does not exclude him; he offers advice and tolerates others. “I advise young men and women to approach only renowned scholars if they have questions. The scholars should open up channels of communications with the general public and make their moderate voice reach all sections of society,” he said.

Dr. Khalid Al-Sebait, an associate professor of Islamic studies at King Khalid Military College, criticized how some members of the public tend to base judgments on external appearances.

“It is strange that even if one performs the five prayers every day, fasts Ramadan, pays zakat, acts politely with others and above all treats his parents nicely and with great respect, he will still be viewed negatively. It is because some of us judge him by the way he looks on the outside,” said Al-Sebait.

“In fact, some people with low-level ethics have taken advantage of the situation and pretend to be religious in order to deceive others. One of the effective solutions to this problem is to raise public awareness about these negative practices and show them that the external appearance should not be used as a criteria for judging and trusting others,” he said

Words FROM SHAYKH MUHAMMAD NAASIRUD-DEEN AL-ALBAANEE.

"Listen my brother. I sincerely advise you and other youths like you, who stand upon a type of deviation - as it seems to us, and Allaah knows best - that do not waste your time in refuting each other, saying that such and such has this in him, and such and such has that in him.

This is beacuse; firstly: there is no knowledge at all in this, and secondly: this mannerism only breeds enmity and hatred in the hearts, and causes contempt and rancour to develop in the hearts. 

So It is upon you to seek knowledge. It is knowledge that will make clear to you the reality of the speech which is in praise of a particular person having many mistakes, and whether he is deserving of being labelled as an innovator. Yet why do we wish to delve into such issues.

Indeed I advise you not to delve into such issues. The reality is that we complain about this splitting which has occurred between those who ascribe themselves to the da'wah to the Book and the Sunnah - or as we say, ad-Da'watus-Salafiyyah the greatest cause of this splitting, and Allaah knows bests, is the following of whims and desires and the evil dictates of one's soul. It is not due to the presence of differences in thoughts and ideas. So this is my sincere advice."

[Silsilatul Hudaa wan-Noor (784/1), dated the 1st of Rabi' al Awwal 1414H (9-12-1993)]

If apple made a car ? The iCar ?