 |
Looking for a simple, halal, low-pressure marriage.
Requirements below (bare minimum):
Must be emotionally intelligent, financially unstoppable, spiritually ascended, tall enough to change lightbulbs without effort, confident but mysterious, gentle but intimidating, ambitious but never stressed, healed since birth and ready to lead instinctively.
Preferably already successful, but also available 24/7, including during meetings, gym, sleep, umrah, and personal growth phases.
Must not rush things, but also propose at the exact right moment without discussion.
Should involve family, but only after I’ve emotionally rehearsed it 47 times and consulted my intuition.
Should communicate clearly, but telepathically, so I don’t have to explain myself.
Should have provider energy, but money should simply appear without conversation.
Must respect boundaries, except when I want reassurance, attention, validation, emotional safety, spiritual leadership, snacks, or a hug.
Bonus points if you’re basically my dad, but 25, emotionally available, wealthy, handsome, and somehow not alarming.
I’m still “finding myself,” so please arrive fully built, pre-healed, pre-funded, pre-approved by my future self.
Must be traditional, but allergic to tradition when it inconveniences me.
Must be modern, but untouched by modern problems.
Must lead, but only in the direction I was already going.
Must read my mind, but never assume.
Must be calm during conflict, but panic appropriately when I’m upset.
Must be busy building an empire, but reply within 3–5 business minutes.
Must lower his gaze, but notice when my eyeliner is slightly different.
Must be emotionally available, but never need emotional support.
Must be confident, but require zero reassurance ever.
Must plan the future, but live fully in the present.
Must be my peace, my excitement, my safety, my ambition, my motivation, my comfort, my dopamine, and my sense of purpose.
Must understand my silence, my overthinking, my mood shifts, my healing era, my soft girl era, my focus era, my ghosting era, and my return like nothing happened.
Must never change, but constantly evolve.
No pressure.
Just vibes.
If this scares you, you’re probably not ready for marriage 💅.
